Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Who am I?

I stare at the form. Name, easy. Address, easy. Phone, easy. There are a list of boxes one is supposed to check. Easy...used to be. The choices: Single, Married, Divorced. Trying still to be the good girl, good student, get an A, I suppose I should choose Single. OK, eliminate the one you know isn't the answer: Divorced. Nope, not me, ever. If I chose Married, then I have to fill in all the info for my spouse, who will then end up on some stupid mailing list, I am sure. Which of course implies, I would have that constant reminder he is gone, as if I needed one. But, if I choose Single it denies this entire life of thirty plus years I have lived in joy with my best friend, soulmate, husband, my cherished Jim. How can I possibly choose that? It would be as if he didn't exist; we didn't exist. I can think of nothing more horrible in my life to deny; to wipe-out with just a check mark. Nope, can't do that. What to do? What to do?

I realize it is just a stupid form and it really doesn't matter. If this company doesn't want my business based on what I mark for one of these three limiting choices, then the heck with it. Who's going to check anyway? I just don't want the associated junk mail filling my mailbox reminding me Jim is dead.

I make my choice, mark the box. Leave the spouse part blank. Recently, I described this seemly very simple task that threw me, gutted me to a long-time friend. He thought I should have checked all three. Wish I had. They'll be a next time, of this I am sure.

Who makes up these forms anyway? The first time I checked the "widow" box made my gut clench. I hate that box. Can't we just be who we are? Do we have to be attached or unattached in a particular way? I don't fit in anyone's box. Who does?

Maybe it's time to start some game playing with these forms! I'll let you know which games I decide are the most fun or get the craziest response. You know someone will have a crazy response. Let the games begin...


  1. Love this! Well done and so beautifully written. Congratulations on the new blog. It's about time. xoxo